Personal Observations on God, Divorce and My Life
Thanks for visiting my website. I've decided to do this after a very nasty and unexpected divorce that started in 2002. Rather than jump into the nearest addiction to ease the pain such as alcohol, drugs or worse. I refuse to go out and find some poor women to dump this on so; I found an unexpected outlet to help ease the suffering - Poetry. My late Father, who at best could be described as volatile, loved poetry. A great reason to spend my adult life avoiding it. Imagine the conflict on finding this is the only medium to express my suffering. I think I'll leave that door closed for a while yet.
If you are able to find the medium that suits you then DO IT! It won't take away the pain but it will make it bearable. My own divorce involved her and a colleague at her place of work. The reasons she felt compelled to do this are hers. We were together 16 years and lived together for 15 years and were married 12 years when this happened. We have one son, Tom - age 10. The effect the divorce had on him was heart breaking but he's adapting.
No matter what happens, your life will change - It's easier if you help it along rather than fight to preserve what's dead or dying. If you think you can get over what ever happened in your shared life then do it. I'd just had enough. She's suffering her own pain but for the time being she must face her own demons.
You are about to enter or are in one of the 5 phases of your recovery. Yes! RECOVERY. You will eventually recover, if you allow yourself to.
It all starts with...The Darkness:
God, our Father
It was in this time that I discovered someone in my life that had always been there but I always ignored...God!, yes God. Allow me to quantify, My soon to be ex-wife and I had to share the family home whilst it was put up for sale. This was Hell on Earth, having to share a house with someone that all you wanted to do leave had to be the lowest point in my life.
One day I was walking around a 2nd hand book sale in the village where I lived. There were hundreds spread over the table and very soon I found myself standing in front of a Bible. I looked at it, picked it up and mulled over buying it. The price was 1 pound but I put it back down again and carried on browsing. Very soon I had gone full circle and found myself in front of the bible again. I picked it up again and mulled over a thought...Could he help?
I then looked up and said quietly to myself, "If you get me through this, I read this book from cover to cover and learn all about you". I paid the paltry sum and took the book back the the house. I cycled back into the driveway and the blanket of despair covered me As I unlocked the front door....
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Echoes from the Past
This is will not be easy to read but this you must know. We are all a product from our past and as such make our decisions in life on what's happened in our past. There are a few easy examples to quote that come immediately to mind. A young girl brought raised without a positive male influence in her childhood may choose to date much older men when she reaches sexual maturity. A child brought up in an extremely abusive family will make his, or her, decisions based on those experiences. They will either become predators themselves, experience drugs or alcohol abuse, refuse to commit to a lasting emotional relationship.
Hence you choice in a life partner. These a just a few but amply demonstrate that point I am trying to make. To live a new life you must go back and exorcise the past. It will not be easy by any means but if you are to live happily you must reconcile that you may be a product of your past but you do not have to except it.
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