My Struggles with Faith
This is one of the hardest and most difficult to maintain. There are some mornings you wake up and it's as if faith is this beaming conduit between you and the Lord. You can feel it, it's as if there is nothing you can do. As you set about your day within a few short hours it's gone. All that is left is a wisp of smoke of what once was. Where did it go? More importantly, why didn't you notice?
I understand why Jesus prayed so regularly and so vehemently. He was carrying the weight of the world's sin on his shoulders. Imagine, knowing that one day soon you would have to be betrayed, beaten, humiliated and finally killed so you and I have a chance at salvation. Just the thought makes my blood run cold yet here was a man that lived sinlessly to save sinners. Jesus said if we had faith the size of a mustard seed, we could tell that mountain to move and it would. There were days when I couldn't move a
spec of dust much less a mountain. Thanks to my wife's introduction and help from the Holy Spirit, I think I understand...
1. By taking Jesus, drinking of his blood and eating of his body. You have now removed yourself from the world of the old testament and are now ruled by the new testament. In this way salvation is now at hand.
2. Soon you will see visions of our redeemer on the cross on going about his ministry. These can be upsetting but are beautiful moments to see his sacrifice at work. Then you'll be baptised by the Holy Spirit, he is you connection between you and Jesus and our Father. He will be your tutor to life in the new testament. I must confess to some fear of the Holy Spirit. Jesus said that "I forgive and my Father forgives, the Holy Spirit does not". This does frighten me that I may do something to bring this upon myself so a lot of my prayers, even today, are to not incur the wrath of the holy spirit.
3. Now comes the need for "patient endurance", you have escaped the grip of the Satan and he wants you back. He will do all possible to rock your new found covenant with the Lord and do not under estimate his power over your old life. Regular Prayer and help from the Holy Spirit will protect you and you loved ones. Do not lapse or fall back to the old ways. You are now "born again".
This is a terrible confession to make but I used to make it my credo to avoid "born again" Christians. I found most had an air of self-serving piety or worse felt that Jesus was the ultimate "get out clause" from their sins. I asked one friend who was "born again" how could he go home to his wife after boning one of his office girls. His response was classic, "Jesus will forgive me". I was in my dark years and even I knew his reasoning was flawed.
Jesus would forgive him but in the next two years, he would see his shipping business bought out by M&S. Things never looked better for him but in the space of the next year, he lost control of his new partnership. He lost his job and his wife found out about his girlfriend and divorced him. I talked with him over this period and he was a changed man. He'd lost something, the spark was gone. It was almost as if he knew what was going to happen and excepted it. The last I heard from him was that he was travelling the world with his girlfriend and has just come back to the UK but he was not the same.
Expect these type of pressures, my friend is a good man and he'll find his way back but it's a hard lesson to learn.
Love and faith in the Lord are the most powerful shield that you could ever wish. He turned my dark life back into the light and with it my salvation. All I had to do was believe and there he was. each day I grew stronger and finally I found the love of my life.